Reunion, The 1st Book
of the Pein Trilogy
Prologue
It is dark... It usually is on this part of Emagina...... The very ground its self seems to be infested with darkness its self. I slowly go forward on a steady trot. My specially made shoes make hardly any sound. My white long cloak is flowing all around me. My 6 foot long sword attached to my back hardly moves at the bobbing of my walking. I started to sense I was getting near to my climax of my journey. I could sense his aura of destruction. The "Black Hole".. That is what everyone called it. They did not know what else to call it. I do not know why it has such the title because I have never seen it. Yet it is said that it eats the very ground itself. Gaining more and more energy every time. Its consumption and lust for power had driven many animals to their death. Thats why I am here. I am the beginning and the end. The omega the ruler of all. I have come to put a stop to this foul creature that has wrought so much destruction. I Perfect have come to seal this Black Hole to never return. Sensing his presence coming closer and closer to me. I draw my Angle Telo ready for battle. I turn the next corner and there it is. Standing there, it was wearing a robe.. Not just one robe though many many robes. Layering over each other you were surprised there was anything inside of them at all. It suddenly sensed my presence and turned around. Expecting to look into someones face when it turned around, since it had a hood I could not see anything from the back, I was shocked. All I saw where the things face should of been was a gaping hole. One that if you looked too far into you would think you would be sucked into an endless black void! I quickly ran forward with my Telo in striking position and the battle began...
End of Prologue
Please comment!
Also I have just been reading and realized that I should of over read it and some of it has grammar errors.. So please inform me of errors or of something that doesn't quite make sense. And I will evaluate as quickly as possible!
End of Prologue
Please comment!
Also I have just been reading and realized that I should of over read it and some of it has grammar errors.. So please inform me of errors or of something that doesn't quite make sense. And I will evaluate as quickly as possible!
4 comments:
WOW Jonathan you are an excellent writer!!! I was totally into that, I could picture everything and I was in complete suspense. Seriuosly tremendous job.
As for errors, I didn't notice any grammar problems. Just a few redundancies like mentioning that his sword is 6 ft long twice. And that the ground itself seems to be... with darkness itself (just take out the 2nd itself). But no big deal.
I love the way you wrote it, I am excited to read more!!
Sounds like its going to be a great story, maybe a little too scarry for me though, jk. Keep writing!
OoOoOoOo Muy Interasante.
Lawl. Yeah repetitive..somewhat gothic..with a pinch of Jon.
Love it.
km
Wow. You are much better at creative writing than I have ever been! and braver. I think that it is cool that you aren't afraid to share your writing with us. It is a very exciting and suspenseful beginning! Now that you've started you're going to have to finish! we'll never be able to rest! You have a good sense of rhythm in your sentences (if that makes sense. they aren't all the same length or form.) I think you are a very natural writer. Vocab, grammer, those are easy to learn, but not talent you have. love ya monkey!
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